Jesus' call to love our enemies (see the Sermon on the Mount, Matt. 5-7, among other places) remains one of the most difficult tenets of the Christian faith. Most of us can keep from adultery, we can refrain from killing, and we can even be trained to be truthful. But, the loving our enemies command continues to be a serious challenge to our Christian faith.
We are told that we are to love the "unlovable." When I think of such a category, I think of those who look different from me, those perhaps born into more difficult circumstances, those who made some poor choices, or those who are not traditionally considered to be in the "in" crowds. Of course, these are exactly whom Jesus is speaking about and speaking to as He begins to build His kingdom in the Gospels. And, they are people who are difficult to love at times, given that none of us is immediately comfortable with those who are different. As hard as this group -- the "unloveable ones" -- are to love, there is an even harder group that Jesus Himself loved and called those who identified with Him to love: the UNLIKEABLE!
The unlikeable are those I would describe as not too different from us. They could be relaetives, schoolmates, co-workers, or even fellow church members! They often share many cultural similarities with us and may even live in our own neighborhoods. Yet, they differ in at least one key area from us: they really seem to enjoy finding ways to NOT like us! They nit-pick, gossip, and even embarrass us in various ways, not seeming to care about how we feel or what our response may be. And no matter how hard we try to like them, or for them to like us, it just does not seem to happen.
Jesus had people like this throughout His ministry. Certain leaders in His own community, key government officials (after Jesus gained a bit more popularity), and even some of Jesus' own relatives seemed to find fault in literally everything He did. They just refused to like Him! Yet, even from the cross, we are haunted with Jesus' words: "Father, forgive them...." How in the world can we do that? I can love those who are unloveable in the world's eyes, especially since so often I do not encounter those people on a day to day basis. Furthermore, I do not often (often enough!) let the "unloveable" get close enough to me to do any major damage. The unlikeable are another story, though. They often get close enough to harm me a great deal through things like betrayal, lies, gossip, slander, or just plain meanness! Love THOSE people? No way.... At least, no way that I can generate on my own.
So, here is where the good news of the Gospel really comes to the fore. Apparently Jesus has the ability and is willing to give us the ability to love the unlikeable, as well as the unloveable! Here are some helpful ways:
1) Remember that though love is unconditional, trust is earned. I can love people even if I do not trust them fully. Jesus did not trust Judas fully (and for good reason) but still allowed Judas to present even during the Last Supper, where Jesus blessed the disciples with His presence in a special way through the bread and the cup. We can show the love of Christ to those who refuse to like us without granting them access to our full trust until they earn it.
2) Mercy can teach us important lessons about ourselves and others. Seeing even the toughest characters through the eyes of mercy, even pity, can help us come closer to seeing others the way Jesus sees them. They are in need of a savior just as we are, and even if we are never able to be their friend, perhaps we can pray for a life-changing friendships for them.
3) I can learn something even from my enemies. When we seek to look through eyes of love, we are less likely to be defensive. When the walls of defense come down, we can find a kinder truth that can benefit us, even when the intent of difficult and mean people is negative. We can put aside the walls of defensiveness, even when we keep up our healthy boundaries with poisonous people.
Often when I encounter the critique or even bitterness of others without being defensive, I am able to sort out lessons I need to learn (though, of course, I wish these were presented in more loving ways).
4) We can all benefit from added prayer time. And, our enemies can drive us more deeply into prayer and into experiencing at least a portion of the sufferings of Christ and of others. Even when we suffer unfairly at the hands (or words) of difficult to like people, we can learn not to be that way, and we can repent for times when we have been that way! Furthermore, we can simply realize our complete dependence upon Christ for our confidence, peace, and identity, regardless of the good or bad flowing from others.
Blessed are the peacemakers...we need more of them, and we need to become peacemakers as we live among both the "unloveable" and the "unlikeable."
-- Charles W. Christian
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